Fresh Adult, sexy, erotic, non-veg text and whatsapp sms messages jokes



A young girl came back to Doctor and
complained, "Doctor, last time you did
my abortion, you forgot your sharp
blade inside of me,"
Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"
Girl, "No but my eight friends went
impotent, ten of them lost their
fingers, and four of them went dumb.


4 stages of relationship:
- Hand in hand.
- Hand in that.
- That in hand.
- That in that.
If you know what i mean..


An 18 year old Girl got PREGNANT. Her
Angry mother says-Who's the PIG?
Call him..
30 min later a limousine car stops in
front of their house & a Mature grey
haired in a very Expensive SUIT steps
out.
Man:Ur daughter has informed me of
the Problem, howevr I can't Marry her..
But if a GIRL is born I offer a villa & 2
million dolrs.
If a BOY is born den 2 factories & 5
million dolrs.
But in case of Miscarriage, what do u
suggest I do?
Mom-FUCK HER AGAI


A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the
train.
The Lady next to him asked, "Are they
ur BABIES?"
The Person said: NO! I Own a Condom
Factory
& these are Customer's Complaints!


Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
Lady Next To Him- What A Co-
incidence, Even I Have Ordered
Kingfisher.
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4
Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A Coincidence
I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens
Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock .
Lady SMILED & Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE...!!!!!!!


Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,
how will my wife have a baby?
Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)
An angel will come from heaven &
hand
over a baby to your wife.
Student: so who do I need to fuck ??
wife or angel ?


A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to
God : I can't live with this long penis..
God : Go to that Lake,
U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to
Marry u,
she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.
He Went & asked the Frog : will u
Marry me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches.
He thought 20 inch is still Long.
So he asked again : will u Marry Me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches More.
He thought 15 inch is Great,
But 10inches is Ideal
So he asked again : will u Marry me?
Frog : How many Times do I have to
tell u?
NO! NO! NO!
khel khatam
laude lag gaye !


4 Gals take lift in a Car full of
Engineers
Since no place, sat on their lap
After 10min
...Grl1:r u Telecom Engr
Boy1:how u know
Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit
my Unreachble area
Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?
Boy2:how u know?
Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to
connect wit my USB Drive
Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?
Boy3:how u know?
Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move
into my Cylinder
Grl4: r u Civil Engr?
Boy4:how u know?
Girl4:ur Dam had broken &
flooded my Village;)


11 year old girl realized growing hair
between her
legs. Got worried and yelled Mom
about hair. Mom
calmly said. "That part where hair
has grown is
called a monkey, be proud that your
monkey has
grown hair."
Next morning at breakfast she told
her elder sister
"My monkey has grown hair"
Her Elder Sister smiled and said.
"that's nothing, mine started eating
banana's."


A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is
it OK for us guys to notice all the
different kind of boobs?"Surprised,
the father answers, "Well, sure son,
we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
there are all kinds of
breasts.Depending on a woman's
age, they are different shapes.In her
twenties, a woman's breasts are like
melons, round and firm. In her
thirties to forties, they are like
pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like
onions.""Onions, Dad?""Yeah, you
see them and they make you cry!"


Latest News: Arvind Kejriwal has
stopped wearing his underwears
bcoz...
He can't wear VIP underwears as
they have VIP written on them.
He can't wear Rupa since people
would say he always keeps Rupa
around his private parts, and in
Delhi that's a dangerous thing to do.
Or Jockey as horse riding is a rich
man's pastime.
He can't wear Macroman since he is
a common man.
He can't wear Dixcy since he does
not want people to see his d***
And he can't go commando since he
has refused security.
So now all he needs is cover his
private parts with mango leaves to
prove that he is a "aam" admi and
his protection is the aam.


ho out of control
pent ko tu apni khol
Choom k tu uska hole
dalde tu apna pole.
Lund ghusa, ball daba,
gaand maar k bol DARLING AAL IZZ WELL. :-D


Men are raping a woman. The woman laughing nonstop so after sometimes the men get bugged and ask her, why she is laughing, she replies: I have aids.


Wife bought a new transparent bra and wore in front of her husband.
Husband: honey you look very sexy in this bra.
Wife: you know salesman was also saying same thing.



Girl enters a sex shop.
Girl: where is the duplicate penis section?
Clerk: it's their mam.
Girl: how much for this big red one?
Clerk: sorry madam, its fire extinguisher.



Why are western guys more advanced than our guys? Answer: they keep their minds in work and penis in pussy, but our guys keep pussy in mind and penis in hand.



Fate is like getting raped; if you can't fight it learn to enjoy it. Success is like masturbation, it's in your own hand. Education is like hiring prostitute, it needs both money and talent.



Height of innocence: having your girl friend naked beside you and masturbating.



Height of laziness: man having sex in train and waiting for the train to jerk.



Most interesting T-shirt quotes of a girl. Excuse me! My face is above.



If a married woman is called polo; the mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called? Center fresh.



Why aunties like to have sex with youth?
Every used engine will get refreshed only when its filled with fresh oil and it gives more mileage to its owner.



Nurse comes in doctor room.
Doctor ask: why is your one boobs out of your shirt?
Nurse: these medical students never keep the things at place after use.



Height of recycling: man giving used condom 2 his son to use as a balloon and after bursting giving to his daughter to use as hair band.



Six cans of beer 600 rs. Four pegs of whiskey 400 rs. Two taquilla shots 300rs. Driving home with a girl who drank all this. Priceless



What will you do if you get sexy wife with figure, with red lips, brown hair, moist boobs, sexy waist and a penis?



Why women wear panties with printed flower?
It's a way of saying come on guys, water my garden.



Difference between power and stamina?
Power is when a man can hang a wet towel over his erect penis.
Stamina is to keep the penis erect till the towel dries.



Boy: my age is 20 years.
Girl: my age is 20 years also.
Boy: so come to my room.
Girl: why?
Boy: To play 20-20 match.



Banta was travelling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror. Banta shouted you are trying to see my wife, sit back. I will drive.



Define rape: rape is not a crime; it's just a surprise sex.



Wife: if I sleep with your most loving friend what would be the first thought coming to your mind?
Smart husband: that you are a lesbian.



Height of shame: You running with a full erect male sex organ towards a wall and your nose collide first.



A boy comes to class with broken specs.
Teacher: what happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: but how did your specs break?
Boy: she closed her legs.



An army got married first night realizes wife having periods.
He telegram to HQ: red alert on front extend leave.
DQ: attack from back and report.



Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone. Sex is like a pack of chips, one you start you can't stop. Life is like a dick once it gets hard, it ucks.



Sex teacher draws picture of male sex organ and asked does anyone know what this is?
Kid: ya, my dad have two.
Teacher: two?
Kid: a small one for susu and big one to brush moms teeth.



Wife in good mood rotating husbands sex organ in bed.
Husband: you want sex?
Wife: no., just joined car driving school and practicing gear changing.



Three ladies saw a dog ucking violently.
Dr's wife: they are enjoying life.
Lawyer's wife: no, it's a rape.
Army officer: I think the dog has come on a holiday.



A lady was wearing jeans in a train.
A man who saw that her zip was open said: madam, your lips are laughing.
Woman: hey they want a cigarette.



Wife in sexy mood lovingly says: I want to have a wild experience. Tie me up and do whatever u want. Excited man tied up his wife and raped her sister.



A girl wears sleeveless dress every time. On right arm she writes 'C' and on left arm 'L'.
friends ask: what does it means? She said: I am cool.



A naked lady gets into taxi. Driver looks at her. Lady: haven't you ever seen a naked woman?
Driver: no I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.



A sexy and attracted female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Boss: wow, what?
Girl: your eyes.



What is long and hard? Has a hole at the tip and when inserted into wet, hairy, tight hole, makes men and woman feel great? Vicks inhaler.



Define rape with the help of one good example. Rape is a very very difficult job for example; it's like playing golf with a continuously moving hole.



Difference between bad and worse.
Bad: when your children find your last night used condom.
Worse: when they insist you to blow that balloon for them.
How to irritate an archeologist? Show him a used whisper and ask him which period it belongs to.



What's similarity between garden and breast? Both are made for kids but mostly used by adults.



In a lift, man elbow accidently touched lady's breast.
Man: if your heart is soft as your breast you will forgive me.
Lady: if you sex organ is hard as your elbow I am in room 207.



Angry husband sent sms to father-in-law. Your product not matching my requirements.
smart father-in-law: warranty expired manufactured not response.



T-shirt quotes: now more tastier and healthier, handle with care, tasted by experts, shake well before use, can make boneless thing hard, no one can use just once.

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