Marital woes - 3

• Friend: How’s ur sex life?
Man: As usual, Monday to Friday.
Friend: What about the weekends?
Man: Weekends? Oh! That time I'm at home, relaxing with my wife !

• Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.

• While in bed after few years of marriage, husband and wife's HIPS meet each other more often than LIPS....

• True friends stand behind u during ur bad times. Do u want a proof? Check out your marriage album. U’ll find that all ur friends standing behind U

• Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

• Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.

• A man's silence can break a woman's heart into a thousand pieces while a woman's silence can give a man a thousand moments of peace!

• Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

• If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.

• They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

• Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an a@@hole.

• Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

• Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

• Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll kill u.

• Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

• Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

• Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

• Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

• It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

• It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

• A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

• If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

• Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

• There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

• Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...

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