we left it so open

ph:katrina shafer

*original photo from Fokko van der Leest was removed

New Years Eve:
That's when we met. And it was cliche. And it was reckless. And it was.... amazing.

I took hold of his hand and that was it, something inside me clicked. The way his eyes met mine, and his butterfly stirring smile was enough to make my knees weak, and once he kissed me I knew I was done.

We kept in touch everyday after that night, and he even came and visited me this past weekend. I was so incredibly nervous for him to come, but the moment I opened my door he took me into his arms and kissed me, and all my nerves disappeared. We had an amazing weekend, drinking, laughing, laying in bed until 2 in the afternoon, and exchanging stories about our lives. But sadly it had to end, and he had to leave. And that's where this real life fairy tale falls short.

Where do we go from here? I have an extra year of school left, and he is moving across the country. He said I should come visit, but who knows when I will be able to. He admitted to being disappointed about our "bad timing." Which is exactly what this is....horrible timing. I want to know where this could go, it's like I need to know what could happen in this story, but I am being forced to wait, and it is driving me insane. Not knowing when I will see him again breaks my heart, and it makes me feel crazy because I barely know him, but I don't care, all I know is that I want to know more and more about him, I want to spend more time with him and figure this out. It's like I have taken a drug and I will soon need my next fix, but I will be unable to get it, and that literally makes me feel sick.

There is a part of me that regrets letting this grow after New Years, why did we have to continue to talk? Why did I invite him to come stay with me. Why did he actually come? Why? Why? Why?

Because we both couldn't shake the feeling that there is something strong between us...so what happens next? We didn't make plans, we decided to wing it, but I hate that. I hate that we left it so open...

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