goodbye my special one

Photo via: aN ACciDenT

We were friends since we were small, little did we know this thing called love, as we grew older our curiosity for it became fonder. So the both of us decided to give it a try even though we weren’t truly that attracted to each other, I thought to myself, what a good way to experience first love with a boy I knew so much of, its his first anyway, so it’ll be good to experience everything for the first time together with him.

Little do I know how this short-term relationship would have affected me so much. I could still remember our first speechless date, our first awkward kiss in the movie theater, which we both didn’t pay much attention to the movie. I could remember our first fight when you were jealous of me spending so much time with my male best friend. I acted super angry, however deep down inside I was actually happy that you were jealous. You were my first every thing, I didn’t know anything before you.

During those 4 months, things escalated pretty quickly, we spent almost every day with each other. During the times that we didn’t meet, we would spent all our days talking, messaging or skyping with each other. We were never bored of each other, just interested in each other’s life. My feelings for him became stronger and stronger day by day. Soon enough, I discovered that I was extremely infatuated by him. We would cuddle every time we had the chance to. However, something horrible happened during the fourth month in which only both of us could really understand the situation. We decided to end things a few weeks after that due to our uncertain future. I thought to myself, the longer I try to hold on to this relationship, the harder it’ll be for both of us to move on in the future.

After the breakup, I became extremely angry at you, never wanting to talk to you, reply your texts and pick up your call, as it seems to me that you were fine, you make it seem as if our relationship was a joke, you seem to move on so easily. That is the main reason why I was completely furious at you, I thought it was unfair that you started moving on just after days of the initial break up, I didn’t want you to love anybody else but me, selfish isn’t it?

Well, all I want to say is that we were the right love but at the extremely wrong time, if only we got together later in our life, we would have lasted for a way longer time. You purposely and continuously flaunt your new escapades, girls and lovers after the break up, being a totally different person. I was never truly a fond of that, thus the reason behind deleting all our source of contact. Almost one and a half year after our break up, I finally have the gut to meet and talk to you again, I found out that yet again you have a new lover, she’s the third serious girl you’ve been with after me; she’s prettier, sweeter, skinnier and may even be nicer than me. And after that moment do I realize that I have to let you go for real, as she would make you as happy as you deserve to be.

I really hope that you don’t have to come across this passage in the future, these are my deepest and darkest inner most thoughts. It took me almost two years to finally be able to write this down and fully tell my part of the story. I wish you all the best in your life my first love. I hope we could meet again someday, just the two of us, in a coffee shop in a far away city. As of right now, goodbye my special one.

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