those words

Photo via: Julian Bialowas

I have to be honest. I always try to be honest. The problem is that I cannot be honest to your face, which makes me wonder whether that makes me less honest overall.

I liked you from the first moment I met you. You are very appealing, and as I was told later on, you seem to be very popular among girls. Which makes this whole thing even harder. I was told you had a girlfriend, but then you told me you broke up, and how you broke up, and why, and how that made you feel. I know you are not exactly there yet, to move on to a new relationship, but I know you are closer than you were when I had just met you.

When I am close to you, I feel warm, comfortable, and laugh a lot. Not many people give me that warm sensation from the very beginning, which makes me like you even more. I love your crazy ideas, the risks you take, but at the same time, your sensitive and kind heart, which you try to hide, even though it is so obvious to me. I feel as if you are rather simple to understand. You have no second thoughts, no second guesses, you are the clearest blue of a sky boy I have ever met.

And that’s what drives me crazy. I cannot tell whether you like me or not. Whether you are being nice because you like me as a friend or something more. Whether you would ever be attracted to me, and my silly self, which gets all giggly and high-school like whenever I walk next to you. And I am scared as hell to ask you. I am afraid you might say no, I don’t like you that way. I am afraid this will tear my stupid heart in two. But most of all, I am afraid I might lose you, and I cannot stand losing one more person. We have plans and I am three stupid words away from ruining them. I like you. There you go, I said it.

So if you read this, please know I am not brave at all. I am afraid, afraid to find out what’s worse: losing you before I get a chance to say how I feel, or losing you after I do? So if you read this, do not let those words that will come out eventually, ruin what we’ve got. Let’s make plans baby, and enjoy the moment.

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