he is dating someone else

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Dear lelove,

I'm writing this to you on my phone at 3 at night, hoping and wishing it will give me some comfort.

Last year I met the love of my life, he was perfect for me. We had enough in common to make it easy, but a lot of things we thought differently about, making it interesting. I could talk to him for hours. I would hold my phone line I would do now until I fell asleep while replying to his messages. I was so deeply in love with him.

We broke up 2 weeks ago after a stupid fight. He said he needed time alone and that he couldn't handle a relationship anymore. So after a year of intense loving, talking about moving in together and marriage - I was single. I lost him. We kept talking for a week or so, I kept trying to convince him to stop acting stupid and just to continue his life with me. But he didn't want to. He wanted time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He loved me and didn't want to hurt me by being with me without wanting to.

Today I found out he is dating someone else.

The thought of this sickens me to a level I can't explain. He, man I trusted on his word. The guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life was dating someone else. Two weeks. Fourteen days. How could you forget about all the things he said to me in 14 days? How could he have washed off the taste of my lips so fast? How could he washed off my scent off his pillowcases? How could he have forgotten the touch of my hand. How could he say to me that he needed time alone, that I gave him that time and pushed aside what I needed for a man that betrayed my trust and sleeps next to another women after 2 fucking weeks?

I'm broken.

I lay here in my bed with his scent on my pillowcases, the taste of his lips in my mouth, the feeling of his fingers still in my hand. I want to scream until the windows break. I want to hop into my car and drive to him and slap him. I want to hurt myself. I want to run away.

But instead I'm laying here in my bed, trying to figure out how I could ever love someone like him. Typing this in the dark on my phone that he bought for me.

I think I'll smash it after I send this to you.

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